Holy Crow!
by NicestSpawnOfSatanYouNeverMet
Summary: What is the real reason why Edward and all of the other boys of Forks are so attracted to Bella? The truth is revealed here why everyone is saying "Holy Crow" about Bella. Very funny oneshot! Read and Review!


Author's Note: Hello comrades! This is merely based off of an idea that popped into my head. Actually, it was more of a question. Throughout the series, Edward tells Bella that he loves her, but she can never figure out why he loves her so much. As a matter of fact, neither can I. I have analized Bella's character and not found anything that is extremely appealing and not just like every other girl at school for Edward and many other boys of Forks to be attracted to other than her smell. True, she is kind, and she smells good, and apparently she is pretty, but it must be more than just that for Edward to break free of his normally seclusive lifestyle and risk his and his family's secret just so that he can have Bella as a girlfriend. So here I have the reason, from many random character's points of view, as to why Edward, and every other boy at Forks High School is saying Bella's phrase "Holy crow!" over Bella. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, or any of the characters, nor do I own Eric's one speaking part in this, because I copied that line from the book.

* * *

Eric's POV:

It was really cold outside, and raining. Of course it wasn't snowing, because Forks isn't good enough for snow, just rain. I grumbled as I climbed out of the vehicle and onto the pavement. There it was, Forks High School, home to some of the lamest kids every. Whatever. But I had more important things on my mind, like the really hard arithmatic test I had later on today. I really wished that I had studied more, it's just that I had been so busy with my online role playing game that, I mean, I just kind of lost track of time. Yeah, one could say that I don't have much of a life; I just kind of do what my older brother calls "nerd stuff", like online role playing games.

The rain fell in those really heavy drops that make loud noises on the hood of your rain coat. A few of my friends from chess club waved, but I was too distracted by the world of arithmatic to even respond. Not even the loud roar of an old truck that pulled into the parking lot could distract me from my test review. But it was what got out of the truck that pulled me out of my haven of numbers.

I didn't really pay attention to her at first, probably because of the huge raincoat she was wearing. I wasn't sure if she was a new student or not, but it didn't really matter to me right now because my first priority was getting to class on time.

My first class was in building 3, and I wasn't all that excited about it. I hung my raincoat on the hook and headed to my usual seat in the back where my friend Max from chess club and I talked pretty much the entire class about cool stuff like computer programs and girls. While waiting for the class to start, I picked at one of the many zits on my forhead. That was when I saw her, or shall I say, _them_. The girl that I had noticed from the parking lot who had gotten out of the really loud truck hung up her raincoat, and, keeping her back turned to all of us, handed a slip to the teacher. When she finally turned to take her seat, that's when I was in utter shock. I was like, holy crow! I mean, I was seriously stunned. I thanked the hot girl gods that Max was absent, because Mr. Mason sent her straight to the desk next to me. Well, she wasn't exactly a hot girl, I mean, she was fairly pretty, but I hadn't really seen her face. I had been more like a deer in the headlights, if you know what I mean.

She had probably the biggest bazookas I had ever seen, not that I go around checking out girls' breast anyways. But I mean, when this girl walked in the room, it was the first thing that you noticed about her. Why, I hadn't even seen her face because they were so big. Now, I really do respect women and their bodies, but I just couldn't help myself because they were so big that she couln't even let her arms hang by her sides because of their size. The little zip-up that she wore looked like it was about to burst.

When I finally looked away from _them_ I looked around the room at every other guy. Each had the same expression: eyes bugging out and mouths gaping open.

She sure blushed a lot, and when she sat down next to me, she didn't even look up. Throughout the entire class, I nervously picked at my zits to keep from staring at her, well, less her and more her bazookas.

By the end of class, I finally glanced at her face and recognized her as Isabella Swan. Not that I had actually known what she would look like, but my boy scout pack had gone on a trip to the police station and she had the exact same eyes as her dad, and he had told us that his daughter who was around our age would be coming, so this was undoubtably her.

I finally bucked up the courage to lean across the aisle, and, while trying to focus on her face and not look down, I asked, "You're Isabella Swan, aren't you?" She then replied something, but I couldn't even hear it because I was too busy goggling. I offered to show her to her next class. Along the way we made some small talk. I was frantically searching for more quesions to ask, but none came, except for the one that kept popping up into my head, _"Are those natural?" _But I didn't dare ask her that.

I could see every other guy in the school checking her out as she walked by, and I could see that they were all as stunned as I was.

* * *

Jessica's POV:

Today was going to be pretty crappy; I could just tell. You can always tell when a day is going to be crappy, because it rains. That means that for Forks, every day is crappy. Well, when I stepped into Trig, I just had that feeling that the day had gotten a whole lot crappier.

I sat in my usual seat, staring at the empty seat beside me. I liked having the empty seat next to me, because Mr. Varner, like, had a thing or something for sitting girls together and guys together in groups of two, and since there was an odd number, I got to sit alone, and there was no one blocking my view of the two majorly cute guys that sat next to the empty seat.

I was touching up my lipgloss, when I heard Mr. Varner clear his throat in that really obnoxious way that he does when he's about to say something totally retarded. Sure enough, he stood at the front of the room with some random new girl. I just kind of glanced at her, just passed her off as another just another girl, another competetor. But when Mr. Varner cleared his throat again because not everyone was looking at him, I got a better look at the girl and I was just like, "Holy crow! Girl, you've got some major boobage right there!" Well, of course I didn't actually say that because that would totally scare the girl and I would probably get detention, but that was, like, what I was thinking.

Now, when I say major boobage, I mean, major boobage! This girl had enough boobage that I bet it added another twenty pounds to her. I quickly glanced down at my own, and frowned. I mean, I'm not flat chested, but I'm nothing like this girl. I mean, I'm, like, an A cup size, while for this girl, I don't even think they make bras big enough for her. I wonder how you get custom made bras...

Anyways, so she was all standing up in front of the class and her face turned all red, and it kind of looked like embarassment, but it was probably because she was exhausted from having to hold an extra fifty pounds on her chest.

It then dawned on me that she was a major competetor. I mean, I look at all girls as competetors in the competition for the best guys, but I could tell that this girl (I think Mr. Varner said her name was Bella) was going to be a hard player to beat.

Sure enough, Mr. Varner sent Miss Larger-Than-A-Normal-Bra to sit next to little old Cup-Size-A. I hid my anger and put on a false and welcoming smile while I planned tactics as to how to win the battle. This was going to get difficult.

* * *

Edward's POV:

I often hear people wish that they can read minds. Of course, I don't hear them say this outloud, for I am reading their minds and finding it out. It is more of a curse than a blessing, I must say, for having to listen to the winey minds of teenagers for the majority of the day, can get rather annoying. All the girls every think about is: boys, make-up, boys, gossip, etc. And all the boys ever think about is: girls, sports, girls, food, etc. It is quite agrivating, having to listen to every little thought of everyone around me. Today though, I noticed a difference in the thoughts, or at least the thoughts of the boys.

As I walked past building 3 on my way to building 4, right after the first class, all I could hear from the boys leaving was, "Big boobs! Big boobs! Big boobs!" And, although this isn't very different from what they are normally thinking, it was still a bit surprising to have all of them, even Eric Yorkie who tends to be thinking about math or computers, thinking the exact same thing.

It wasn't until lunch though, that I noticed her.

I usually try to refrain from reading the minds of my "peers" as much as I can, for it is almost as nauseating as the food that they eat. As I walked into the lunch room, I quickly met my family at our table. No, it does not belong to us, but we have simply adopted it, and since everyone stands off from us, it's our table. Jasper sat on one of the cheap plastic chairs, with a paniced look on his face. He always looked this way though at lunch, because he was surrounded by so many humans at the same time. Next to him sat little Alice who was happily babbling in his ear and comfortingly stroking his hand. I pulled the seat next to Alice gently out from under the table and lightly perched myself on it. I tried to block out everyone else's thoughts and focus on my own, but no such act was possible. I heard the deep and playful voice of Emmett's thoughts join those of the people in the lunchroom, and soon Rosalie's as well. Emmett took his seat at my side, and Rosalie at Emmett's other side, her legs crossed so that one was on Emmett's.

While Alice continued to chatter at Jasper who was clearly not listening and trying to focus on maintaining control of his thirst, and while Emmett and Rosalie spoke lightly of their senior project; I sat alone, engulfed in the torturous thoughts of the immature teenagers around me.

Some more students entered the cafeteria, and since their thoughts for a few moments were in Spanish, I knew that they had just left Spanish class. Once their thoughts had switched over to English, it became clear what was on their mind, or at least the boys' minds.

After a few moments of probing the strange thoughts, it became clear that they mostly radiated from a certain table. I glanced around the table and immediately stiffened as I spied her. My hand clenched into a fist, and I gritted my teeth. I tried to read her mind, but the attempt proved unsuccessful. I was sure that I would break through eventually. She sat next to Jessica Stanley, who had a smile on her face, but her thoughts were very dark. She was extremely jealous of the girl, whose name I learned from Jessica's thoughts to be Bella.

The thing was... well... Bella was very developed. As respectful as I try to put it, the fact is, that Bella had the largest breasts that I had ever seen in my entire existance. I felt a strange feeling that I didn't recognize run through my body, and it caused me to go rigid. I had never felt this kind of thing before. My gut tightend and I started imagining...no! I would not let myself think that way about Bella. She was just a girl anyways. She was probably just a stuck-up, self absorbed girl with abnormally large breasts. She was a human after all, and was probably as obnoxiously torturous as the others. No, I would not let myself think that way about her. Yet, I couldn't help but think, _Holy crow!_

When I finally broke free of my little fantasy, I realized that none of my siblings were talking any more. Jasper was galking at me, and Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie were all staring between him and me. "What is it, Jazzy?" Alice asked in her soprano voice, shaking Jasper's shoulder.

"It's just that, well..." I could tell that if Jasper could blush, he would. "I'm sorry, Edward, I really tried not to read your emotions, it's just that they were so strong..."

"Spit it out Jasper!" Emmett demanded. His mischevious grin was creeping up on his mouth.

"Well, Edward was feeling extremely... lustful," Jasper answered.

Emmett's booming laughter would have blown up the entire cafeteria, if it had not been for Rosalie's lightning fast hand clapping over Emmett's mouth. When she finally released him, Emmett asked, "Well, Edward, which little human chick are you feeling 'lustful' for?"

I cringed, and if I could blush, I would be. Before I could embarrass myself more and tell Emmett, Alice's shrill giggle erupted from between her small, red lips. "Oooooh, I think I can guess who Edward likes!" Alice pointed one of her tiny fingers right at Bella and I dropped my head into my hands. Sure enough, Emmett found her and and his face lit up.

"Woah, dude, check the knockers on that chick!" Emmett practically yelled. All of my siblings burst out laughing, except for Rosalie who was feeling rather envious and grumbled,

"Really, I don't know what you find so great about her, Emmett. She just has large breasts, that's all," I kind of felt bad for Rosalie because I could hear exactly how jealous she felt, but at the same time, I gave her no pity because I had already used up my pity supply on myself.

I glanced back at Bella and was stunned again. She sure had the largest breasts of all time, and I was clearly not the only male to have noticed that.

* * *

Mike's POV:

The gossip flying all around the school was insane. I mean, it was just, like, crazy insane. Right after my first class, all of my friends who had English first ran up to me and they were all like, "Mike, you should see the new girl!". At first I thought that she would just be really hot or something, but then later on a found out that she had "the world's biggest boobs". Or at least that's what my friends had told me. I mean, I didn't really believe them, because they had pulled my leg like this before, and, you can probably guess the rest...

Anyways, so I was, like, totally pumped to meet the chick with the "world's biggest boobs", and when I did, it was just like _WHAM!_ She was in my bio class, and my friends had been right, you just couldn't miss her. It looked like she had two enormous basketballs strapped to her chest; two insanely hot basketballs that is. I tried to judge what kind of girl she was, because me, unlike some of my friends, actually care about more than just a body. Her shirt wasn't low cut, so she wasn't one of the slutty girls, but she also wasn't wearing a turtle-neck or anything, so she didn't look like an extremely conservative nun either. She was just, like, normal... well, as normal as someone with boobs bigger than her head can be.

When she walked in, it was like the Alleluah Chorus was playing in the background. I frantically looked at the seat next to me to see Liz, a girl who was really over weight and had worse acne problems than Eric Yorkie, which was saying something. I was really tempted to grab the microscope and just whack Liz in the head so she went unconcious and the new girl could sit next to me. But Mr. Banner went and sat her next to _Cullen_.

Throughout class, I couldn't help but stare. The worst part was that Cullen didn't even look excited about sitting next to the girl with boobs bigger than Forks itself. He just sat there holding his nose and glaring at her. I mean really, what is your problem, dude?

Anyways, after class, I made a point to walk up to her and introduce myself. She seemed fairly nice, but her boobs were nicer. When she told me that she had gym next with me, I started, like, totally flipping out. First of all, I was excited about having another class with her, but the bigger plus was that we did five minutes of running in gym to start it off, and that would mean that I would get to watch her running, and... wow. Now, don't call me disrespectful of a girl's body, it's just that when I see a hot girl, I just lose it all. And for this new girl, I'm just like, "Holy crow, girl, you've got it goin' on!"

* * *

Charlie's POV:

I was pretty excited about my girl coming to Forks. Honestly, it kind of caught me out of the blue, but I was happy to accept her all the same. I hope she likes it here, and I hope that she'll have a nice time with me. Maybe she'll even go fishing with me.

Today was her first day of school, and, although it seems impossble, I was more nervous than her. See, Bella's got this problem. Well, some might say it is a blessing, but Renee and I call it a problem. The thing is... my girl is very developed. Renee would always tease me about it, but I call it, "having big juggies". Of course, I would never say this to Bella, and, in fact, Renee and I have never actually told her that she has large juggies. She actually thinks that they are normal, and this is either good or bad.

Well, it's good because if she knew that she had big juggies, then she might start acting badly. You know, the low cut tops and the boys on each arm. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm scared of. I catch plenty of that kind of scummy girl when I'm patrolling, and Bells has one up on them, and that is her size.

The bad thing about not telling her is that she doesn't know. She doesn't know why guys stare at her, or hold open doors for her. I hope that she just suspects that boys at school are acting this nice to her because she is new and all boys from Forks are well raised (although I do have several reports to prove this wrong).

I guess that the other reason for not telling Bella is that Renee and I are kind of scared. I mean, having to sit down and tell your daughter that her juggies are out of this world is like having to tell them where babies come from. Thankfully, Renee already gave her that talk, and maybe Renee was so willing to let her come to Forks because she was hoping that I'd give Bells the _other _talk.

I feel really bad for Bella because, she's not stupid or anything, but she's completely oblivious of herself. She doesn't think that she's pretty or anything and she doesn't think her juggies are bigger than normal. I just hope that she doesn't get into trouble or anything about it.

When I told Billy that Bella was coming to Forks, he got pretty excited. See, he's got his son Jacob who is not "smooth with the ladies" at all. Jacob would probably kill Billy for saying this though, but Jacob is really awkward around girls and just hangs out with Quil and Embry all the time. When Billy asked me if I thought that Jacob would like Bella, I had to truthfully answer, "Yeah, he's going to be pretty pleased".

I gripped the steering wheel of the police car as I drove home. I really hoped that Bella had a good day, and that she made some friends that were attracted to her personality, not just her juggies.

I took five deep breaths as I wriggled the key in the lock of the front door. I hoped to find her inside with a smile on her face and a conservative shirt on her body (I'm not exactly used to the whole parenting thing, so I kind of forgot to check to see what she was wearing this morning).

The door creaked and scraped against the floor, and in the hallway stood Bella. I sighed to see her in a t-shirt and sip up sweatshirt. It could have been a lot worse.

"How was your first day?" I struggled to ask. I'm still kind of awkward with her, but, you can't blame me because I haven't seen her in a while and have almost no experience with parenting.

"Oh, it was good. Everyone was very welcoming," she responded. I tried not to imagine what "welcoming" meant, hopefully they were just talking to her and inviting her to sit with them at lunch.

I spotted a basket of laundry in her arms, "Oh, Bella, you don't need to do that. I can do my own laundry, you know,"

She just smiled and said, "Don't worry, Ch--Dad. I've already washed and dried it; all that's left is folding. You can help me if you want," I nodded and walked over to the couch where she dumped out the laundry. "Pants go over there, shirts over there, and underware and socks over there," she told me, pointing to different spots on the coffee table. I nodded while she reached in and pulled out a pair of khaki pants. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad, you know, just some father-daughter bonding over the laundry. I reached into the pile of whites and, low and behold, I pulled out one of her bras.

My mouth dropped open and I couldn't help but shout, "HOLY CROW!" because the circle things (It's been so long I can't even remember what Renee said they were called) were gigantic. Bella turned from putting down the khaki pants to see what had startled me and she smiled,

"Oh, Dad, I forgot that you haven't been living with a woman in a while. It's ok that it kind of startled you, I'll fold it," she reached over and pulled the bra big enough for the Statue of Liberty to wear, out of my hands. Although I had seen female undergarments before, it wasn't exactly the fact that it was for females that had startled me, but the size.

Living with Bella, the girl with giant juggies, would take a long time to get used to.

* * *

Author's Note: I hope that you liked that! Just a little ditty I thought up, not to be taken seriously. If you were offended by this, I'm sorry, but really, what is there to be offended about? As for the seen in the cafeteria with Edward's thoughts, I have been told that Stephenie Meyer had written that part in Midnight Sun, but I perpously didn't read it so that it didn't taint my view of what I thought that Edward's thoughts would be like. Thanks so much for reading. Anyways, reviews mean so much to me and it would make my day if you reviewed this, so, please review!!


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